I love my family, my wife, and my 3 sons. They always have been my driving forces and my reasons for striving. Sin grew in my life though, and it nearly destroyed me and my family.

Friends and family always laughed about my impatience and it was seen as my best asset. “If you want something done, ask Lionel”. Yes, my impatience brought efficiency, but also exasperation when things were not done fast enough. The first recipients were my wife and my dear sons. Soon, it turned to anger and violence. Words was coming out of my mouth before thoughts were formed. Words I didn't really believe in, but so relieving on the spot... and utterly destructive for those around, those I love the most. Before I understood it, physical violence crept in as the next step toward relief, and some terrible events took place, I so wish I could take back. It could have destroyed our marriage and our family for ever. But God had better plans. 

I was on business trip when Isabelle finally accepted my crazy ideas of separation. I felt relieved. The relief held for couple of hours, time for my anger to dissipate. Soon it turned to despair. Life without my beloved was unthinkable. And my sons? Those I loved so much and was already disconnect with... I will never see them again... Screams of desperation howled into my soul. My heart exploded into pieces. No more hope for the future. All dreams, projects, plans, destroyed. Was left a desert of dead bones. My loved ones taken away with no hope to see them again. I could feel their relief of not seeing me again. I started to put words on my past behavior toward them and replayed in my mind horrible scenes I desperately wanted to erase from being. But it was too late. Too late to take the words and attitude back and too late to ask for forgiveness. No one wanted to see me, to talk to me... I was banned from the family for ever. I cried to God. I screamed. No answer. Emptiness. Nothing. I was drowning in the nothing. Such pain is indescribable. The strong medicines I had in my suitcase for intense back pain will erase it. Forever. I took them all and found myself in the local hospital.

I did encounter God in this Chinese intensive care in the middle of nowhere. I truly did. I was dying. All my vital signs were falling. Doctors didn't know which antidote to give me and they were endlessly arguing with our doctor friend and brother in the US. It was too late already based on all medical studies. They had a 8-hour-window to save my liver, and 20 hours have passed. It will be soon finished, but the peace I was desperately seeking was nowhere to be found. I wanted my wife, my sons, my life. I cried and cried out to God. I confessed and repented right there on what I thought to be my death bed. I begged God to give me another chance. He did. He completely healed me from the effects of the poison and in His amazing Grace, I was found. He saved a wretch like me. 6 hours later I walked out of this hospital, with all my vital signs restored including those from my liver. I encountered Grace on March 3, 2015. 

6 months were needed to fight and win over hopelessness and depression. I stayed 4 months out of my home. During those dark months I attempted many time to my life - or I spoke about it. This roller coaster ride seemed to go into perpetuity until what was supposed to be my final fate. I found myself on top of a building in construction, ready to jump. A final call to Isabelle “I'm done with this hell on earth - I'm going to switch off my phone.” I switched off my phone indeed, and after some time, I went back into my car and... my bed. I didn't know that a lady called Linda had prayed for me during this time after Isabelle sent an urgent prayer request to the healing ministry Linda was part of. This prayer of deliverance, made in faith, changed my life. Hopelessness, depression, and sadness had left, I could see the future again with hope. God’s promises were again making sense. That was the turning point. 

Isabelle and I started to renew our minds by daily declaring the Word of God together. We also decided to seriously learn about divine healing, to be able to give to other the healing I received freely, and to walk into Jesus' steps with love and power. I am convinced that God will not loose one tear of our sufferings, but will use it to touch others through our testimony and bring them physical, emotional, and spiritual healing as He gave to us. May this second life of mine give all glory to my Savior, my Redeemer, and my Healer!

Lionel

May 2017